also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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