You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i believe in u and ur pee
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
