My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
