He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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