OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
