She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
