It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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