i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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