I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sarcasm needs its own font
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Randomize
