After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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