I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
