god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
