He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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