I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
