Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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