I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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