I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you bring me the toilet please
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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