so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
