Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
