all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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