Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Even my vagina gasped.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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