you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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