he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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