i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
we're so committed to being not committed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
