I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
