erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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