So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
