if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
