just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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