What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
