The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
