i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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