I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
that is very illegal...i love you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
