we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So squirting runs in the family.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
