morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
