Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
