I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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