Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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