i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
