Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
