This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
