Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
