I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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