theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
