Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
