i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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