You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
