I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
