So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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