i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
