3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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