Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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