Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
