I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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