I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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