I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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