You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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