I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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