grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
