At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
