we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
