I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize