My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
