he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
