i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
