I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
